ewink Attempts Masonry...

If there is one thing in this world I have come to realize that I suck eggs at, it's assembling things.

Hell I will no longer even assemble my own chairs because I don't trust my shoddy workmanship.

So I had a task of biblical proportions yesterday when I bought a $20 bookshelf from Wal*Mart which required assembly. My goal was to get the stack of wood seen in the picture, to look like the finished bookshelf on the front of the box.

According to the instructions, there was, allegedly, no tools required. There were already pins and screws in the wood, and it was all supposed to slide together, then be held together by tension.

So I begin plugging the wood pieces together, but they plugs were not going all the way down into the plug holes! (Please, save your filthy disgusting comments for the end.) I placed ALL my body weight trying to get the metal pins to 'slide' in. Just a refresher, I'm fat, so that's a lot of weight!

Finally I told the bookshelf it could go fornicate itself and brought out the hammer. The plugs and wood quickly complied, and the only places where you will see any hammer marks are at the bottom.

Once I began using Hammer (2 Legit 2 Quit, fucka!) the bookshelf was easy to assemble. I even managed to get the adjustable shelves installed and lined up evenly!


As you can see, the bookshelf even withstood the weight of my books and manga! WOOT! I then slowly and carefully moved my collectables from the living room table (story about them coming tomorrow!) to the top of the bookshelf. I was worried that it would fall, since the instructions stated "NO WEIGHT" on the top of the case, but it didn't.

I'm glad to because looking at the box, there's a freakin' lamp and like some sort of candy dish on the top! That would be false advertising! Bogus!

Anyway, 24 hours later the bookshelf still stands. The big test will be whether or not it withstands an earthquake. Not that we get many (any) here. But when we do, it's going to be like nine point four! Giggidy!

And for the record, Wal*Mart haters, my bookshelf was made in the U S A.