Thursday, November 16, 2006Crimes Against Humanity...
No, I'm not talking about how K-Fed is divorcing Britney Spears now that he's turned her into a man cow. I'm talking about television...
I get angry on a daily basis now. On G4TechTV (which is another crime all together, but we won't go into that here) the canceled FOX show Arrested Development airs.
After each episode I sit fuming that some cum bathed asshat somehow made the decision to can it.
How is it possible that a show with both subtle and blatant humor in it, all of which is pure hilarity, gets canned after three seasons - not even full seasons - yet moronic carbon copy game shows, asinine reality shows like 'Dancing With The Stars', 'Skaiting With The Stars', 'Fondling Yourself With The Stars', and the like are renewed over and over and over again.
Moronic sitcoms that all have the same basis are picked up and over-hyped; 'Till Death', 'The War At Home', etc... Shows that exist because their creators can't come up with anything origonal... 'NCIS'? 'CSI: Miami/New York/Boise, ID', any of the 281 law shows...
Yet Arrested Development, one of the greatest single camera shows of the television area is bounced. Firefly... Gone. E Ring... Gone. Futurama... Gone. Studio 60... Gone. Family Guy... Gone, then brought back because FOX realized what fucking idiots they were. Enterprise... Gone. All so we can make room for 'Who Wants to Marry My Mother's Diseased Cat' and that show coming out which is just a black 'Groundhog Day.'
I really find it difficult to believe that there are really that many morons in our society that these new shows, and the ones that keep getting tossed at us, appeal to. Therefore it is only reasonable to assume that Neilson Media Research, the company who gathers all the ratings information purposely seeks out the stupidest people they can find.
The way it works is that Neilson sends out diaries (and in some markets, people meters) to a select few. Those few are then mathematically set up to represent 10,000 or so actual TV viewers. So if you have a hundred morons with diaries that watch 'Deal or No Deal', Neilson assumes that there are actually a million morons watching that.
It's like how the FCC works. They receive 2 complaints, but under their mathematical formula, 1 complaint = one billion people. So they assume two billion Americans were offended by 4 frames of Janet Jackson's right nipple.
What is the solution? It's complicated, but I believe a full scale rebellion is in order. What we must do is seek out morons and find out if they were issued a Neilson diary or meter. Once that is done, you must confirm that they are actually a moron by asking them what they watched on TV last night. If their answer is a reality show (Survivor & The Amazing Race being one of very few exceptions since it is enjoyable to watch other people suffer for our amusement), a game show or any sitcom on FOX or ABC, you are to beat them until they are either incapable of filling out a diary, or they call Neilson and tell them that they have stock in a TV network.
If the moron realizes that a beating is impending and pleads for mercy, you can accept that, granted he only fills out the diary with shows you would have watched.
I know what you are thinking... It's mean to be violent against morons. But it seems like it will be the only way, as an armed revolution against the networks would fail. Network executives have legions of Satanic Armies that lack the ability to die defending them.
I am sorry it has to resort to this, but it is for the benefit of all humanity. Stupid television creates stupid children (since stupid parents stupidly put their children in front of the televisions instead of making them learn things, or spending time with them), and those stupid children grow up to become stupid adults who eat nothing but McDonald's and wonder why they became so fat. Those who skip McDonald's become either news consultants or contestants on reality shows.
Long live the revolution!
I get angry on a daily basis now. On G4TechTV (which is another crime all together, but we won't go into that here) the canceled FOX show Arrested Development airs.
After each episode I sit fuming that some cum bathed asshat somehow made the decision to can it. How is it possible that a show with both subtle and blatant humor in it, all of which is pure hilarity, gets canned after three seasons - not even full seasons - yet moronic carbon copy game shows, asinine reality shows like 'Dancing With The Stars', 'Skaiting With The Stars', 'Fondling Yourself With The Stars', and the like are renewed over and over and over again.
Moronic sitcoms that all have the same basis are picked up and over-hyped; 'Till Death', 'The War At Home', etc... Shows that exist because their creators can't come up with anything origonal... 'NCIS'? 'CSI: Miami/New York/Boise, ID', any of the 281 law shows...
Yet Arrested Development, one of the greatest single camera shows of the television area is bounced. Firefly... Gone. E Ring... Gone. Futurama... Gone. Studio 60... Gone. Family Guy... Gone, then brought back because FOX realized what fucking idiots they were. Enterprise... Gone. All so we can make room for 'Who Wants to Marry My Mother's Diseased Cat' and that show coming out which is just a black 'Groundhog Day.'
I really find it difficult to believe that there are really that many morons in our society that these new shows, and the ones that keep getting tossed at us, appeal to. Therefore it is only reasonable to assume that Neilson Media Research, the company who gathers all the ratings information purposely seeks out the stupidest people they can find.
The way it works is that Neilson sends out diaries (and in some markets, people meters) to a select few. Those few are then mathematically set up to represent 10,000 or so actual TV viewers. So if you have a hundred morons with diaries that watch 'Deal or No Deal', Neilson assumes that there are actually a million morons watching that.
It's like how the FCC works. They receive 2 complaints, but under their mathematical formula, 1 complaint = one billion people. So they assume two billion Americans were offended by 4 frames of Janet Jackson's right nipple.
What is the solution? It's complicated, but I believe a full scale rebellion is in order. What we must do is seek out morons and find out if they were issued a Neilson diary or meter. Once that is done, you must confirm that they are actually a moron by asking them what they watched on TV last night. If their answer is a reality show (Survivor & The Amazing Race being one of very few exceptions since it is enjoyable to watch other people suffer for our amusement), a game show or any sitcom on FOX or ABC, you are to beat them until they are either incapable of filling out a diary, or they call Neilson and tell them that they have stock in a TV network.
If the moron realizes that a beating is impending and pleads for mercy, you can accept that, granted he only fills out the diary with shows you would have watched.
I know what you are thinking... It's mean to be violent against morons. But it seems like it will be the only way, as an armed revolution against the networks would fail. Network executives have legions of Satanic Armies that lack the ability to die defending them.
I am sorry it has to resort to this, but it is for the benefit of all humanity. Stupid television creates stupid children (since stupid parents stupidly put their children in front of the televisions instead of making them learn things, or spending time with them), and those stupid children grow up to become stupid adults who eat nothing but McDonald's and wonder why they became so fat. Those who skip McDonald's become either news consultants or contestants on reality shows.
Long live the revolution!
Warning: Erin Winking is not responsible for anyone breaking the law. By reading this, and inhaling, you hereby relieve Erin Winking of any liability if you beat a moron.
posted by ewink at 10:35 AM
ewink's FUNKDAFIED Ranma 1/2 Site
2 Comments:
Yeah, I loved AR. And some of those other shows you listed too.
I was just asking my wife last night if 'According to Jim' or 'George Lopez' had been axed because they haven't been on in forever. Apparently we have to get through ABCs fall season of 'Dancing with the Stars' (puke)
As for Neilson, I think I made myself clear a while back (LINK HERE) how crazy the sample to population ration is in their survey that we so highly depend on for our very survival.
UGH.
I won't get violent with the poor saps that get metered, but wouldn't it be nice once if a friend or neighbor had a chance to be the voice of all those so many people!!!
This is why I watch Nickelodeon all the time. If I feel like watching something moronic I watch Fox News!
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