I failed... Sorta...

I have still not had a cigarette. Will be a week when I wake up later today. However I totally broke my carbohydrate rule today and ate some crackers with my ham and swiss snackable (which I was forced to buy from the Wheel of Death since I forgot to make my own lunch).

I also had some soup Saturday night, which pushed me over my 20 carbs a day.

I have determined that it's very hard to not eat a lot when I am not smoking. But, short of violating my carb limit, I still have kept my caloric intake below 1,000. So that should be something!

But another negative is that I seem to be substituting Sprite Zero for cigarettes. Instead of having a smoke every 20 or so minutes when I am on the computer, I am having a can of Sprite. Or chugging from a two liter.

The Sprite habit might end up costing me more than smoking. Lord, why did you give me such an addictive personality?!

If It Ain't Broke...

I have decided to do two long posts tonight, rather than one very long, multitopical megapost.

I have been pondering why I have been so miserable lately and I figured that part of it was because I am a lonely miser and part of it was because I am an uneducated buffoon. Figuring out why I was an uneducated buffoon was easy. I have no education and I am a moron.

The moron part might not be fixable, but the uneducated part can be rectified. Not this fall though, as I had hoped, mainly due to my financial issues. Going to try again in January and see what happens. Hopefully I will have my finances in order by then (one way or the other) and can focus on figuring out a class schedule to work around my work schedule.

The lonely miser part, though, was more difficult to figure out. But over the past few days I have been making graphs and flow charts, looking at old pictures and watching pornography to determine how to fix things. And I think I figured it out.

I am too damn fat.

That's right. It took me and a NOAA computer to understand that I am a big fatty! I have also come to the conclusion that chicks (well, hot ones) won't have sexual relations with a big fatso. I don't blame them. I saw my reflection in the mirror this morning when I got out of the shower and it gave me a stroke.

I also rarely leave my home when I am not working, so I have forgotten how to talk to people and have a good time. Probably because I get winded just looking out the window.

In summation, I realize I need to lose weight.

Losing weight is not easy, especially when you have been overweight your entire life. (Sidebar, this is why I truly believe that parents that allow their children to become overweight and obese should be arrested and charged with child abuse. They are making it so their child's life will be hell; from both a physical and psychological standpoint. If I ever decide to get involved in politics, you can believe that I will lobby hard to get legislation like that passed.)

I remember though that before I left for Vegas (where working overnights allowed me to slip into old habits of fast food and inactivity) I had lost 50 or so pounds and about 4 inches off my waist. And I did that via Atkins - or my version of it.

So my grocery shopping this evening was low/no carb. I also purchased enough food to last me till my next paycheck. I usually don't due to the cost, but some simple math in my head quickly showed me that what I spent tonight (70$) was far less than the usual 7$-10$ a day I spent getting my food from either the Wheel of Death at work, or from QuikTrip/McDonald's/Subway/Etc.

At any rate, my goal is < 20 carbs per day. It worked before, I see no reason it won't work now. BUT YOUR CHOLESTEROL!!!!! Surprisingly, my current cholesterol level is fine, and any raise in it will be, in my opinion, negated by my drop in blood pressure and weight. Plus I already take a dietary supplement and am adding a fiber supplement. So I am doubting I will do any more harm to my body than carrying all this fat is doing. Another bonus of this diet was that I was not that active (asides from work stuff) when I lost the weight before. I am not active now either, so I will be able to lose the weight semi-sedentary until I complete the next task. I am quitting smoking. I have tried about four times this year alone, and every time I have failed. However, when I was in Vegas, I quit for several months (rather than just a week or so this year) by using the assistance of the patch.

So I have purchased the patch. As I said before, it worked before, so I see no reason it will not work now. Once I quit, and am able to walk more than 4 feet without feeling like a fish out of water, I will be able to do more exercise. By that I will be losing more weight and eventually, hot girls will be begging me for sex. Either that or they will be repulsed by my personality and anime addiction rather than my Elephant Man like appearance.

Regardless, I think it will be an improvement in my life and I won't feel so fuckwad awful. It will also allow me to start taking Tae Kwon Do again, which I took in HS and enjoyed. Since as a skinny person, people won't be afraid of me and my mouth might end up getting my ass kicked.